Scary!!

So today wasnt the greatest day...again. It was horrible for me and terrible to find out how I just dont seem to work as a leader and sure I thought this week will be different and it's just hard and maybe even harder. I feel such a weakling and it's just not right to lead when you are so messed up. I wished I was somewhere other than being here. It was plain disastrous for me. I felt intimidated and frustrated that I could not get over this stupid feeling that kept roaming around me. So I did not nothing today. I did run to *bucks and that always helps and it was during lunch so it's not much of a big deal. But Im telling you, leading is not so much fun to be honest. Perhaps Im just really narrow minded right now, but Im just sayin as it is and next week will change. amen.
Seriously writing is so much easier than talking to someone face to face. It's still scares me and I know that can be stupid but hey at least Im learning. Communication! who said it was easy for women? Im having a hard time and horrible to express and at times I stall because I cant find the right proper english words and my culture gets in the way and it's just so messy.
I was so hopin to hear that they had worse sgl than what they had seen today.
Time to activate the prophetic flow! Where was the flow again? I cant believe that I'm so out. It's crazy and I just want to run away but that is not even an option anymore.
man o man! where do you go from here? Let's hope altogether that I will overcome these struggles and find comfort in the ONe that set me apart and he is tearing me apart and it hurts and I just want to crawl under my blanket and I could even hide under my bed because this is like overwhelming. It's way over my head and that might be good I guess.
I thought I had not much problems but then again I was never much of a leader. I loved to follow than lead, and it feels like Im being pushed by every angle you could think of even if it is a tiny hidden one. Anyway..... Im doing fantastik! and I am on top of the world!!! ANd I just love it!!!