S H F

Seek his face night was interesting. It was good. I find that when we gather to meet him, we shouldn't expect him to come the same way every time, at least that is what I learned tonight. If we did that all the time, we'd have a one track mind and if he showed up differently than that would offend us right? Not necessarily to everyone, but to some. Im sure you get the picture. Ya, it was different and very good.
Ok this is where the yukky stuff comes out, but I will be vulnerable cause it does set one more freeer. While the music was going on and Peter went to set out the bongos I think thats what they are. Anyway everyone got to dance and jump, cry out to God and how ever else people engaged. And so I approached the bongos and I love to tap on my legs usually and this time it was actually fun to do this thing on the bongos. Anyway, the more time I was on it, I was listening to the beat and then this thought came...hmmm ok, I dont like this but hey let's be honest -i wonder if others see that I could play good. And then it hit me and I just slowly got off of them and I laid on the floor. And I said to papa why? I was not feeling guilty, but I wasn't happy about it and I felt very safe to admit to him that I felt that in my heart. Weird, but good let me tell ya. I expressed to him I know that I get like that and asked'why am I like that?'. I know it hits me from time to time and it's so cool how he responded and his answer was, you don't need to get others for attention, You have all my attention, my undivided attention. And right then and there, I just broke because I never thought or known that there were times in my life I wanted to get attention when I couldn't get it from my parents. Interesting isn't it? I don't have to do something to be seen. Know what I mean? I'm amazed tonight actually and I met my dad in a new way. It's almost like I'm getting more comfortable with him being my dad and Im getting to the point where I can freely speak out and not fear him and feel condemned. I know that there is reverent fear and all that, but I've never had an encounter such as this one. It was different. Im still processing this stuff. So all this stuff is freshly off the press, so ya... It's been really good and life changing for me. I got the greatest dad. I need to go pray now.