tears and...

and so much more. It seemed like it wasnt going to end. I did not quite expect what happened to me today. I was very ugly all snots and tears. I haven't cried that much ever in about a year maybe. So this morning during worship, singing backup for Mandy, a few minutes, I felt this foreign but good presence in front of me and I could feel I was in this tube of presence. It's a bit hard to describe, but it was good. Sometimes I just don't understand at all what goes on, but I know something good happens. Now the question is, should I be totally be able to say what goes on?

Anyway, so we start again for the morning and I tried my best to pay attention. I did pray a bit that I get my focus straight. Anyhoop as time clicked, I was getting a bit agitated with all this great stuff and over an hour into it, I must have fallen asleep because I got up and my head was numb and I could see the carpet bubbles on my arm. Anyhoop after the break, we all stand to pray and forgive and I slowly lost it. So I decided to honor my feelings I guess and I may have been like that for a good 45 minutes and on n off crying. I guess about almost one o'clock out of the blue I had to go...where? I dont know where exactly. i just wanted to breathe and eat in my car, so off i went to a grocery store parking lot and had my lunch...and then i went grocery shopping. I think that was the healthiest decision i ever made. I gave up starbucks n chocolate n running away venting which are my main weaknesses.
Anyway I get back for 2 and meet with the Dalleys for a mini talk for us all sgls and one sentence made me CRY again.... Thought I was done for the day, but he was apparently not done with me. So this is the line, "It's an unreasonable love" No matter what I done and do, He my dad loves me sooo much its's crazy. I could not handle it and my only way to respond was to cry.... and so I cried again and again.
And so true also he said that "his love is so good that it offends the religious mind".

I thought nothing was gonna happen today but he came to me and loved me in the areas I never cared for or given up.
You know... He wants to be with me. He wants to. And that alone just goes soo deep into my spirit. wow i just remembered something, papa told me that 'you will experience my love and the depth of it...." I've never experienced this kind of love today, it was a very special day. If I was to be alone, I would have just fallen to the floor and weep, but I didn't, but yet, even still... I could still feel his love overwhelm me. He's just so GOOD to me...............................