scheduling

well today was special....I cried
See I thought but i wasnt getting anywhere on my planning and going with the plan. I wanted a schedule/ routine and manage time better. I had all these visions and dreams about the school and it's especially just for me, personal stuff that I want to grow in and adopt a lifestyle of time management and adapt to it as we start the school. This has been in my heart for the last couple weeks, but this morning I felt very sad that I have NOT made my time with my dad and other things such as time alone and dates with friends and just important things to me. I was sorry that I have not gone out with this dream that I believe comes from my papa because Im such a HIGH mover and do what I want and what others want and if it works for me, (someitmes I will only go so far with a person or people if it works for me). And there are times I will do it because I just feel like it.... So this morning during worship, I felt like I was failing and not getting anywhere and here my routine has already begun. I am doing what I want and just moving at my own pace. I discovered more today that I despise PLaNinG, hate it very much. I need to do it because I am on the social team...anyway I broke down in small group and I admittted that I am having a really hard time with this scheduled life or I want to adapt a lil into my life. And I mean a really hard time. Like the way you struggle to quit something that is not really helping you kinda struggle.....It's really hArd for me. yea.......

So before anything was shared, Cathy asked us what do we see ourselves as animal wise...sounds kinda funny but immediatley I thought of a Kangarou. I dont know much about them, but they jump into many places and carry someone. Anyway Cathy said something that made me think twice. I found out that I didnt like about me and moving toooo much and sure when i do that extreme that is to watched and directed a bit, but I deep inside I despised the way I moved but that can be good because I am a mover, Kangaroo represented Nations and going to places and me being the Indian tha I am represents a lot of moving around and bring good and not only bad things.... To make it simple, mover in me has been redeemed. But it doesnt mean that I will dump this scheduling.... So today I planned out half of my schedule...it was easy to fill out the work duties I need to do and the rest that are more unpredictable such starbucks time, godtime, alone time, one on one time, shopping time(verylittle)...and lil things like that.... I want to have my own lil worship time alone too with my guitar and sing away.
i actually got a song or a rythm during break and i really like the sound than the lyrics to be honest...silly to say because its from the bible, but i think i just need to add lots more to it.
anyhoop I have to sign off since I have a date with my sweet karlye who was in my small group but now is an sgl. sweet times!!!!