left or right

I'm on the crossroad of believe or not believe. Can I or Do I really trust my dad as I would like to? I doubt it. I just want to see little by little that I can actually trust with everything that I am and have. I know I have nothing compared to all the might and strength that he has for me, but I am scared of the hardships. I don't know what the future holds for me and everyone says it is great, but makes me think, there must be a cost and it's just so scary. Future is unknown. I don't know how to trust again... Can I lay everything all down? what ifs here and there.
I know my dad is the greatest of all gods and is the most loving perfect papa, but something in me has this tiny twitch that wonders can it be as it is? Can it be all that good? Is it true? I have yet to discover this mystery in many ways and it is the ways that I do not know make me nervous... I must have more of him. I need him and that is all I need. I desire to know the truth, the kind that totally sets you free. I want it so bad. Can it be? help my unbelief...