last day

I said to myself I would get to bed early tonight for tomorrow's busiest day for som. I dunno how hectic it can get, but seemed like today was really busy with the errands we had to do for the big event tomorrow. Hannah and I are on the o ya and Manuel are on the social committee/club whatever. We were quite productive today to be honest. We pretty much have everything for tomorrow's banquet/graduation/nerd night event. It should be fun.
Hannah and I get to mc the whole nite...it should be something else.
Time did fly by...I can't really believe I made it...well I still have another month, but the 4 months have been quite the journey for me and lil heart. My heart just needs some rest and peace and lotsa love from my own peeps. I miss my kinda ppl at times. I miss talking in Cree at times....I've gotten so tainted that I don't even talk to papa in Cree....thinking he's white. naw, that's not true, but it's just amazing how the environment you are in can affect the way you think and (act. well that's sometimes). I think I'm still pretty much indian the way I carry myself. I still see ppl giving me the "look", but it's good. I don't really mind it cause I learned and known that I don't have to change the way I am....indian as I can get/be.
I've learned stuff about people and my leaders and myself as well. It's been good and at times bad, but that usually was my own doing. Anyhoop, I just know I need so much experience so I can learn from stuff and others to be a better leader. I see my skills are not so great and it's a drag at times when I don't feel like doing anything, and yet I know I have to do it...The worst part I would say is losing vision... i did used to love giving my time for papa and others and for myself as well and then slowly I lost sight and didn't admire giving my time to papa, others and me. That is the worst place to be. I hate it. It just shows time and time again how weak I am, and I need to humble myself and maybe I should ask for help....but not all the time. I am learning and most of the time, it's great but right now, I just need time for....ME!
Im headin home to my parents new house. How fun can that get??? wow Christmas in my own home town with my whole family...it'll be sweet and oh so lovely. I can just imagine it now....i love Christmas holiday but not the shopping so much anymore... I just want family and friends and that would do me just FINE...merry christmas!

hmmm

well, I've not been really productive. Although I would love to see myself do that, but I feel no energy to fight for my passion. Sounds awful, but I just want to do so much.... but not now. It's almost scary to be in this place. I've hit this corner and it just better to sit and just wait a bit...for what? I dunno. I dont really know what I want. I do want my love for life. I need you.

14 more days

So I have 11 more days here in Toronto and I am excited to go home. Its been a rough few weeks. I just want to see my dad now and sometimes that is all it takes for me to know that everything will be ok. I miss mom n dad. There's so much going on and I just want a dad's hug and a mom's touch. I just want to forget about the world that spins around me and fall to rest in papa's arms. It's been different and at times really not exciting at all. I've gone on some rides, long rides and time away from here and spent a night with friends. I'm learnin about me still... I asked myself tonight, why am I so tough at times? and i didnt get an answer from my mind. It's probably a harsh answer that I didnt want to hear.
Do I still love him?

life

heck! so much has gone on. Im still moving & moving on and my breaks dont seem to work. LIfe is still sweet if you want to look things on the brighter side. Its always good, you can make it good by allowing the author do what he's gotta do. So I got more checks in the mail again since the last time I left off. I travel the world in my own lil world (mind). But I actually travelled to Montreal over the weekend to pick up my winter tires at the ol place. Anyhoop, lots has happened. I bought a freakin cool straightner in Kzoo. one hundred and six dollars but so worth it. I got a *& card in my drawer in the office last week, twenty five dollars worth...happy face! my parents moved into their new house/mansion 5 bedroom for a couple. i say its a mansion. Apparently I have a really nice room. SWEEETT!!! mild headache roaming around my brain. Bought bath & body workx for my mom bathrooms. my sg girls are amazing and doing great!! bought a pair of jeans for twenty dollars couple weeks ago. almost done reading redeeming love...amazing book...its a must read for every girlfriend of mine. had an oil change last week and a new light that burnt out one night for no reason. my brazilian team is great! gettin more bonding time. I also got xmas cds. My journal is almost finished and onto a new one which I already bought at Winners for six dollars. And this weekend, I bought a sweet wallet/purse and its a nice red one and a 2 dollar pink tank top for brazil and a tshirt and a gun all from Montreal.
As for my heart, Im doing ok. At times I wish I could just lay here and listen to never ending sweet music that would sooth my busy body. I need to get back on track with my dad. Anyway I must head now. its near bed time!