alone & random thoughts

O how I love to be alone once in a while. Being totally alone somehow gives me more sanity. Perhaps I just needed other peeps around me, but I haven't gone out much. Glass of wine, music in the background, writing and being alone.... what more can I ask? It feels as if I am regenerated...is there such a thing? I think so.

It feels interesting to live back in the community with my parents. I didn't think I would come back to live in the community of my indians...my kind of people. I know it is only temporary. There is much I see and much I don't want to see and know, but I am surrounded by these things and by certain people. I don't want to be critical and it is a struggle at times to love everything about my kind. But I am learning to accept somethings I cannot change. As long as I don't say anything negative... I should be fine.

Hung out with my dad yesterday. It was nice to walk around with him. Shopping, eating and listening to music on our way to town & driving away.
Mom is out ministering to people further north from where I live, roughly 10 hours away. Quebec is quite big I must say.

I was thinking yesterday, not out of self pity, but just out of purely letting go of my dreams for now and see what happens in the future. What would happen if I gave up on California or Orangeville or Toronto and school? What if I just let all that go? Perhaps that is what is making me not appreciate everything around me here. Of course I cannot have all the luxuries that I used to get in the city, that's for sure. Maybe I can try forgetting my past life....Impossible.... I live in such a foreign place/land and I try to think what are the similarities from where I have been in the last few years of my life? I see that I have changed, so much that I can recall what I was like back then and how I used to be and how I used to live and to see that in others....hmmmmm.
I need to balance and mix with what I learned in the past couple years of my life and apply it here in a healthy balance. I don't want to offend others. I do want to respect my indianess and all and at times, it just leaves me with questions that I don't even feel like talking them through,.....cause obviously no one would really get me. Anyhooop, I'm sure I will get my way around. Give me patience God.

It's getting late and I guess I should go and get ready for rest and monday!! I love my work...That I am certain of!