2011

I've tried to look back and see what great things I've done in the last 12 months. I can't say I had a great year, but I did change one thing for sure. My exercise habits and has now become a lifestyle which is pretty cool I suppose. I lived in 2 different communities both for 6 months. Where should I move to now? I am anxious to move and live on my own. I've become a trainer which is great for me and the ladies that come to my classes. I've had more training in six months than ever before. I traveled like crazy in the last month. My visit to Quebec city was one of my highlights, we went to hang out with our friend Tina.
I hope it's perfectly ok to say that I don't want 2011 anymore but looking forward to the new year. I reckon my feelings last year as the new year approached, there was nothing exciting to look forward to. I may have been more or less depressed about the new year. However this new year coming, I am actually excited. Who knows why, but I'm so glad this year is about to end.

J O S H U A

My brother celebrates his birthday!! we are now the same age for over a month!! Happy birthday Josh!

Where is it?

More & more I would like own my own place now. Not so much of a great huge house, but a perfect house for me so I can call it my home. Believe it or not, I don't call Mistissini my home or at the house I live atm, I call it the parent's house. It is not my own and I may sound proud, but I can't seem to bring myself to say that I'm going home, but I call it my mom or dad's home.

Is that wrong?

Am I so disconnected that I don't call my hometown home? I've always been considered an outsider, even in my family and I can't blame them. I did move around from one place to another. When I consider that, I prove myself innocent, but when I think of how family oriented I should be, then I am guilty of charge. "She's in her own world" as they used to say. How do we break out of that lifestyle? I want to believe that I am normal and ok with that, but there's something in me that would say I am not at peace with that.

I wouldn't consider myself lost, but travelling miles on end trying to a place to call my home. That's all. I may not fit in the local towns, or communities as I've been told once or twice before. I believe my international heart may take over the ring around me and sending that vibe that I ain't no local, but may be a lil loca as most people have found a place at least for a season anyway.

In a way I am fed up of my "dormitory" lifestyle. I would like to get somewhere and be happy. I am at a place where I will accept where I am, but I may not be necessarily happy of the location I'm at. The pressure builds up when I think of my family and how I should be a good daughter, sister and aunt to my lil beloved ones. But when I think of how they would love to come and visit me, I think they would be proud that I can do it or make it alone out there in the world. I hope they know that not everyone is meant to be with someone. Some are meant to be alone and if that would be the case for me, then so be it.

Parents worry I am alone, but I don't understand how they can be as they have seen me pretty independent. Do I look miserable to them?

Anyway, enough said for now!

Beat!

Late nights have beat me up once again and why am I still up at this hour? The weight of tiredness comes in waves, it seems like it has just come & gone. Time is what the struggle is for me at this point in my !Life. Let us run against time :)