I see snow

it keeps melting, bit sad. come back whitey.

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It don't make sense.

You know, the only time I seem to release or find myself express how I feel is when I'm alone. I imagined someone coming in to the living room while crying and thought I'd be wiping my tears and not even bother to tell what's going on. It's very strange of me, yes I know and for so long, this is how I lived my life and now I can't seem to break out of it. I did wonder what I would do if Papa came over to sit with me... I think I'd be able to say something, but what would be the outcome of it all. That's where I get stuck.

Anyway, had a strange day the other day. Here's some of what went on.

I got a call from a neighbor at 7 am or so to inform that there were dogs tearing a moose hide just outside our place. Did I care? Was that so important? who knows? Maybe I was supposed to care. Moose hide is good for making mitts and moccasins and what not. He called 3 times only because I couldn't catch the phone or had difficulties answering the phone. click, back to bed.

Breakfast - in go my Eggos. almost a minute later, beep, beep, beep, pop up... too pale for me, round 2, off I go outta the kitchen. Not a minute later, burn them Eggo things. Nothing else to eat so I humbly eat them away

O I got a text! a friend wants to visit. more coffee to brew! it's not often I get a visitor randomly as this is not my home but my parents home.

knock, knock. hello, is your mom here? no! here's a check for your mom. how nice!!! o thank you. bless you :)

Lunch - reheat a slice of pizza from yesterday's leftovers. off I go outta the kitchen. This time for more than 5 minutes. Totally forgot about the thing in the oven. I didn't have much other options of what to eat, so I chewed on a crispy slice and jojo didn't seem to mind it.

O I got a text! a friend wants to come over. what to drink now, let's offer cranberry juice. Sweet times they were.

Dinner - popcorn on the menu. And no, it wasn't burnt. I succeeded!I passed the kitchen tests.

Night activity, my cousin came over to watch glee and a movie from her iPad. At the same time, I also watched Bon Jovi on youtube whilst concerting in NY I think or somewhere in a city and facebooking at the same time and texting. gosh I hate technology sometimes. Well only when I let it overtake me into another world and not being with the person I am with. Today and all week, I will be with jojo. Our family dog. He loves me.

Strange day.

November Sun

Sitting here and there and trying on another spot to find a place of solitude... when and where?

I'm coming up from this valley. It's been quite lonely and difficult, but made it with a gentle loving hand. Some days I feel great and some days it's rather mellow and 'moments' where it's just painful. I'm glad to let it out as I feel these waves of emotions come flooding in and out.
I am no longer overwhelmed. I can do this with a clear head and know that I am not alone...

Sometimes I feel as though epiphanies come once or twice a year now. I may be so disconnected with everyone that I find myself lost, even in myself. I no longer try to connect. Could that be just wrong? I don't want to be selfish. I want to be merry where I am and who I am.

I'll be moving again though, perhaps that is all I need. Another move. Another place to call my home. Another venue. Another self I may find.

Story of my nomadic life!

I love this line-

"you're the only who brings me peace"

shalom