special tag

Ever stop and think that what you hear people say about you might be true? I heard over a few times couple days ago how much I'm ... maybe appreciated. And it hit me, some people really like me. I don't go around thinking I'm not loved or thought of, but to know n feel that several people in this world really really like you. That stuck in my heart and made me glad. I had to ponder or meditate on it for a bit and it went to my heart. It was quite an interesting thought though to be honest... I have a red tag on special around my neck..not really, but I'm not cheap.
Anyway just thinking out loud.

life

Back when I was a teenager near adulthood, I had lived with this family from Metcalfe, Ontario and it was a lovely family to live with. They were total strangers, but they were willing to take on a student and I boarded for 2 years with them... Thus they became my mom and dad and I also had 2 sisters and a brother from that family. I shared my life with them and they seen me study, drunk, happy, brokenhearted, wash their feet, graduate, rollerblade and many other things a teenagers does and goes through. They were my family... and they loved me very well and so did I. We kept in touch from time to time.

I got really bad with keeping in touch this past year. I would normally call 'home' every Christmas, but not on 2006. If I had called, I would have known that my papa Ray had cancer. I would have and could have gone to see him, but I didn't. And that hurts, because I found out last night papa Ray had passed away on January 10, 2007. Apparently my sister Deb emailed me, but it went to my old email address and never got it.

My mom and my sisters and brother have been grieving all year and I have just begun. It's sad that it happened that way. Now I suppose I will have to forgive myself for not being there for my mom and the rest of my family and losing touch with them.

How I miss him, how I took him for granted... how sad I am now.

My papa Ray was always good to me. I remember going to the cottage on long weekends. I remember the bbqs we had in our backyard. I remember how he loved our dog 'digger'. I remember how he would stand in the kitchen. I remember the time how he would come in by the back door. I remember how he walked. I remember his midnight snacks. I remember how he liked sauerkraut. I remember the sound of his laughter. Memories of him are all I have left.

Now I learned today, not to take anyone or anything for granted and that could be time. Our time is indeed very precious. Most of the time, we spend it with people or things.

miss you papa Ray........