winterland

december is almost here

I am on the verge of getting excited to go home....
i will be in another society where there are countless shops, coffee shops, non stop incoming calls and numerous text messages, let's just say one massive distraction.
I need to sort out my priorities.
I need to manage my time.
I need to be smart and not go crazy.

12 more days and I will be swept away to another destination.

story

I'd like to meet ... the man of my dreams. hehehe
makes me wonder at times if that will be the story of my life... remarried like so many or will it be... I don't know.
I do hope at times to be with him, dunno what he looks like...
But I find myself stop right there and that I need to be realistic and not go to lalaland...

Anyway, let me sleep on this!
:)

winds

so as i tried to sleep yesterday, i had a bit of difficulty due to loud winds. it was said the winds were roughly 90 km/h. can it get any more windier? Anyway, I managed to fall asleep and got up at 530pm.

Later on I was informed they had flurries at noon. So I missed that out. People got excited about the winds of change.

However, I do not have the proper jacket for this weather. I didn't think I'd need my winter jacket so soon... so I will need to face this great challenge. But thank goodness I have friends who have cars.

PRAISE THE LORD ANYHOW

DAY 1

ok I am not going to write everyday for the next couple months. First 24 hours are normally interesting. So I got here yesterday at past 10:30 with much anxiety but in a good way of course. I was a bit nervous and excited cause I don't have an exact clue what I will be doing. Anyhoop my best friend in the Arctic came in great excitement and unbelief at the same time. She has waited for that day for years according to her. I also met my coworkers and my lil boss was so excited that just embraced me in such joy. She was so thrilled to meet me and so saw I. I did not quite expect such an excitement from her, but hey I fully embraced me with such acceptance and welcome! The sweet people I will be with are Roda, Eva and Mae. all lovely! The ladies went to my "residence" to see if all was ok, so we met and they tell me to get some time away cause they had to clean it before I move in! such royalty I say! No supervisor or boss has cleaned my house, it's a huge house as well. I am very honored and it's a blessing. I didn't think it'd turned out this way.

Anyway I did not mind at all. So I spent my day with my friend Ilisapi and had a rest, slept while she worked. I was tired. I had a busy week before I left... wedding n stuff at home... very nice but very tiring....

Anyhoop that evening we had kids ministry and it was fun to watch and see how they run things...they are very passionate and so full of life! I had a good evening, but still tired for some weird reason. Perhaps my nap was not enough. We went home and played our guitars for an hour or so... It was quite a busy day. ANd off to bed! the ENd
o ya there are trees. we're right at where the tree line stops.

beautiful Tuesday

Sun is out and clouds are pretty far from off from my lil community. Gotta love this kinda weather especially when it's been a wee bit chilly few days ago.

Anyhoop gota enjoy this wonderful heat!!
my battery is dying too gotta run

Fun Thursday Morning

So had the interview and got a call less than an hour later to be informed that I was taken on board and start work soon in the Arctic. sooooooooooooo happy, thrilled and excited!!!
This day has finally come after over a year. I guess it took a year for everything to come to pass and learn and grow. I lived almost exactly a year in my home town. I had my ups and downs and had lots of challenging times living a new chapter in my life.

Onto another chapter now. I start my life in the Arctic next month, in 2 weeks really. I do not know what the full picture and part of me doesn't want to know as I want to live one day at a time and learn and enjoy every moment of the learning, growing times for me.

I shall keep this blog updated and this might be the best way to know my whereabouts and whatabouts.

It's a wonderful life!

Few years ago I thought of the world and the people in it and many say I want to do the will of God and I thought wow... so many are doing that because our desires originated from Him and we do what we must to get to that destination for a time, a season....
So here I am doing what I love!! Off I go and away I go!

the Arctic Call

Sooooooooooo after months of waiting to receive a call like... you are hired!!! has finally come few days ago. It was actually more like 'are you still interested?' I had sent my cv months ago and I guess they were on holidays and the center was under renovations and wondered if I was still interested. Of course I was and am still very interested!!! I was just in the waiting room for so long and the time has finally come.

I told my friend early this summer that I had a feeling that I may get hired in the Fall and it's possible that I will be there this Fall. I should get another phone call from the chairperson for confirmation and stuff. In the meantime I shall get ready for things.

These past couple weeks have been interesting now when I look back. There were times I felt like I needed to get ready, for what? just about the future, maybe read and write, get my notes sorted out. Then another day I thought of writing a song about someone who has contemplated on suicide, like a song of desperation and another one on a young woman's struggle for life. That morning, I said thank you God for the call of receiving a new job.

All these things started to make sense and it wasn't all about me and my desires. But it was a preparation for what's to come. I shall be in contact with people who had it rough and tough. These people I already have a heart for. I actually sang out a song for them and started crying. Very intriguing moment!

A time for.....

I cried yesterday. I sat outside and just cried out and asked and wondered many things. And then I think I heard -start writing. And I stopped crying. I wondered could this be God really? Anyway I am getting on that journey either way. In due season I will discover if it was a spontaneous thought...

I have always had a passion to write, but I kinda been putting that off for reasons unknown. I guess I need to get caught on my thinking's' and reasonings and write them down as many times these spontaneous thoughts come and suddenly make sense and get new revelations!! whhhoooohooo passion is rising up!! lol

:D

free time (s)

well now that i have no employment and have all the free time to do all I want?!?!?!? what do I do and where do I begin? O my so many options!
I guess I could start off losing a few pounds and get $ coming and play music and write some as well. OK I must start being productive!

:)

takes a while

for the first time I got the message on the orphan spirit.... after 3 years maybe? finally understood at least some of it now and I really don't want to live out of that. I want to be a daughter 24/7.

another new life

my nephew is just around the corner. anytime from now and just looking forward to hearing an update from Montreal. yes, he flew out today because he is just really sneaky and loves adventure. Every phone ring excites me. I love my nephew... my first one. My brother's first son and my sister in law's first son and who knows, he may be the last baby from that family.... So now I'm just waiting on the call and head to Mtl to see him anytime now.
I'm a happy aunt!

adoption anyone

can someone adopt me?
I want to get out of here.
i took the worst picture ever, but I actually am quite nicer looking in real life

Indian to English

I'm back from traveling.

I went to London for a week and experienced the total English culture with the Fowlers.

Surprise surprise, it rained once during my seven day stay.

It all started off to hitting the streets at the market place in Porotbello, Nottinghill, strolling on Oxford & Picadilly street, going to the country side where all is green and all is posh (polo thingy), pub in the country, movies at the cool Electric theatre on a lazyboy with drinks n food, a whole shopping day with a new friend, a night at the theatre musical to see Lord of the Rings -INCREDIBLE!!, shopping on King Rd or st, sight seeing -Buckingham palace, big ben, london eye, trafalgar circle, etc..., (English) dinner party, horse back riding, afternoon with Tara 'new friend', clubbing.

It was indeed the funnest trip and hope to do it again. Brought home some memories where there's much laughter and craziness with the English lad. Had a few awkward moments, lots of silly moments and some interesting moments.

In the end, I loved to be English. I love them peeps. Very sweet people. I now like Classical music in the morning. I like eating slow in the morning. I like fresh yogurt. I like Sam of course and his family is sweet. I like the cool tiny cars. I like the many accents.

Basically I liked everything about my trip even the spending part.

I feel refreshed and revived in some way.

next?

now back from Puerto Rico........ so much fun, love, happiness n now i am here ... for what? not sure, but I want leave now!!!

1986

Last week while having dinner with mom and dad, this one line came out of the blue. "You were non status until 1986". They were joking around about.... history I guess I dunno how to put it. They're funny people. But every now and again, my mom will mention that she married a "white" guy and my dad gets all proud of it and has this funny smirk, but anyway the point here is that maybe, perhaps, and could it be possible that is to why I don't really care about my so called Indianess if there is such a word? Seriously though, I am not proud of being "First Nations" as we are called. I just think I'm Indian and it's not a big deal as most people think it is. Whenever I see the sign "Native Pride" just makes my head go whatever!

My dad did not get his Native status until that year... and since my birth I had my mom status number.. funny but yea the government gives or labels us with numbers so they don't get mixed up or whatever. But you know what I mean. Everyone gets a number like the SIN #, but we precious Indians have an extra number. :)

And here we know that our significance comes from our fathers. If my dad had a question mark for so many years because he could not be labeled or known as Native or Non Native, then how did that affect him? It's almost like he could not be accepted from both ends. Funny that! But not really I suppose.

It's so weird cause his mom is full on Cree :P and his dad is i dunno how many percentage of Creeness and Whiteness in him. But anyway, I just thought that was very interesting to my knowledge.

I also know from stories from back in the day when everyone had their lil "area" or parts to live, my grandparents lived a bit out of the rest of them Indians as if they were not Indian! They totally talked and lived like Indians. weird isn't it?... hope you are not offended reading this... just don't take it too seriously. Anyway the small bay my grandparents lived was called the "bad white folks" because that was the Iserhoff area. And it's all because of that Hitler dude. Iserhoff is a German name.

Anyway that is my mini history. It always fascinates me to know of my 'culture' I guess. Interesting donchya think?

Now I leave a picture of a true Indian standing on Native land - My Dad.

M I S T I S S I N I

So this town consists of Indians like me and has about 3500 - 4000 people. I been thinking what does this community offer or have. So I thought hmmm... what's really in here.
Seriously I don't think I take pride in my culture and I may need to get that right.. I think....

Anyway, I live in a... almost a town looking place, a mini town. As you enter into the community, there's several home ownerships they call 'em here where people build their place and no longer rent as that is the norm around here. There are nice homes for non Natives or (white folks) who come to live here and work for them Indians like me. They're nice people I think, but it's not like I know them personally, but on the professional side they look like great people. I think we take them for granted at times. When you think of it, them people leave their homes and relatives to help and make things better here. I like the fact that most of these people come because they have a passion to what they want to do in life... making a difference for one or two or 300 people. It's amazing how far and wide one passion can take us or several passions... you get the point.

Ok and then we have 2 gas pumps.. lol. i mean gas stations, one Esso and one Crevier I think...
One Police station and most officers are Native Indians and we have the Band Office building where the Chief's office is located with his many many workers and everyone works for the community... again mostly Indian and non native as well. Around that area is a Youth Center and it's a hang out place still to this day I think and outside of it is a basketball court. There's also a elder's home not far from there as well and they are well taken care of.

We have a few stores and 4 schools - preschool - elementary -high school and a Christian school. There's 1 Clinic. And 2 clothing stores and 1 sports store and 1 grocery store. We also have a video world to rent out movies. We have the Head Office for the Cree School Board. One reception center for the regional James Bay area for children who need special attention and one group home. O ya, 1 post office and o ya one old arena and one brand new sports complex and in it has an auditorium or court for sports, an arena in it and a fitness center. Let's not forget we have 3 daycare centers and who knows another may be built. :O

There's also a laundry mat with a car wash on the side. I think there's a garage far back in the bushes.. well not really, it's just not 'in' the community. There's also a like a mini 'staples' store.

The houses around here are similar on one street and the next street may have a slightly different but they all look the same in most areas.

There are 3 churches as well and one hotel with a restaurant in it (3*hotel) :P. There's also a restaurant called Adels, a firehall and we have a trailor park too.

So there's my mini town - community called Mistissini

meaning Big Rock (misti =big + sini = rock!!)

Challenges!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've not gone through so much in the last couple weeks of my life.... at least that's what I think . So much has happened that I dreaded to go to work. Things at work are so hectic and hard and just heart wrenching and just full of things to do n people to meet. My car insurance got cancelled and home life is a ok and life with the parents is a challenge after the spaghetti incident. Things at home were a bit rocky this past weekend and now I am totally alone in this house and it feels so right.

I am now home alone and o how I love to have this week all to myself. I am going to be speaking this weekend. And I thought to myself, man I seriously need to be emptied out of this excess baggage I have with me and go on totally refreshed. It's at these times I long for quality time with friends. Thanks to my friend Elizabeth who just spoke things to me without her knowing what is really going on. I miss real friends around here. I need to be around people. God show me who these people are.

The Law & The Grace

I lived and experienced in both places in the last year.... law... n grace. What a big difference and o how I love His grace. I don't know how to bring his grace into my workplace when everything I do is from the law. I have to balance things out in my heart and be discerning. I find myself more prayerful I believe because I hear and see so much. It is so heart breaking at times that I have to sit and cry before I can move on to another case. I must actually leave to attend a call right now... kinda sucks to get dressed again............... :(

ready to leave

I just want to move now. I grown to like it here and I think it's time to move on and explore something new.... or is it just the mover in me that wants to move again. I miss being in a place where everyone has a common love... for the one who loved us first. I miss that. I want to be in that place once again.

I picked up my electric guitar couple nights ago and all I did was just sang my heart out, everything I wanted to let out came out more like a conversation with God and he sang back to me and it was soo refreshing and of course he made me cry! I do love him.

special tag

Ever stop and think that what you hear people say about you might be true? I heard over a few times couple days ago how much I'm ... maybe appreciated. And it hit me, some people really like me. I don't go around thinking I'm not loved or thought of, but to know n feel that several people in this world really really like you. That stuck in my heart and made me glad. I had to ponder or meditate on it for a bit and it went to my heart. It was quite an interesting thought though to be honest... I have a red tag on special around my neck..not really, but I'm not cheap.
Anyway just thinking out loud.

life

Back when I was a teenager near adulthood, I had lived with this family from Metcalfe, Ontario and it was a lovely family to live with. They were total strangers, but they were willing to take on a student and I boarded for 2 years with them... Thus they became my mom and dad and I also had 2 sisters and a brother from that family. I shared my life with them and they seen me study, drunk, happy, brokenhearted, wash their feet, graduate, rollerblade and many other things a teenagers does and goes through. They were my family... and they loved me very well and so did I. We kept in touch from time to time.

I got really bad with keeping in touch this past year. I would normally call 'home' every Christmas, but not on 2006. If I had called, I would have known that my papa Ray had cancer. I would have and could have gone to see him, but I didn't. And that hurts, because I found out last night papa Ray had passed away on January 10, 2007. Apparently my sister Deb emailed me, but it went to my old email address and never got it.

My mom and my sisters and brother have been grieving all year and I have just begun. It's sad that it happened that way. Now I suppose I will have to forgive myself for not being there for my mom and the rest of my family and losing touch with them.

How I miss him, how I took him for granted... how sad I am now.

My papa Ray was always good to me. I remember going to the cottage on long weekends. I remember the bbqs we had in our backyard. I remember how he loved our dog 'digger'. I remember how he would stand in the kitchen. I remember the time how he would come in by the back door. I remember how he walked. I remember his midnight snacks. I remember how he liked sauerkraut. I remember the sound of his laughter. Memories of him are all I have left.

Now I learned today, not to take anyone or anything for granted and that could be time. Our time is indeed very precious. Most of the time, we spend it with people or things.

miss you papa Ray........