alone & random thoughts

O how I love to be alone once in a while. Being totally alone somehow gives me more sanity. Perhaps I just needed other peeps around me, but I haven't gone out much. Glass of wine, music in the background, writing and being alone.... what more can I ask? It feels as if I am regenerated...is there such a thing? I think so.

It feels interesting to live back in the community with my parents. I didn't think I would come back to live in the community of my indians...my kind of people. I know it is only temporary. There is much I see and much I don't want to see and know, but I am surrounded by these things and by certain people. I don't want to be critical and it is a struggle at times to love everything about my kind. But I am learning to accept somethings I cannot change. As long as I don't say anything negative... I should be fine.

Hung out with my dad yesterday. It was nice to walk around with him. Shopping, eating and listening to music on our way to town & driving away.
Mom is out ministering to people further north from where I live, roughly 10 hours away. Quebec is quite big I must say.

I was thinking yesterday, not out of self pity, but just out of purely letting go of my dreams for now and see what happens in the future. What would happen if I gave up on California or Orangeville or Toronto and school? What if I just let all that go? Perhaps that is what is making me not appreciate everything around me here. Of course I cannot have all the luxuries that I used to get in the city, that's for sure. Maybe I can try forgetting my past life....Impossible.... I live in such a foreign place/land and I try to think what are the similarities from where I have been in the last few years of my life? I see that I have changed, so much that I can recall what I was like back then and how I used to be and how I used to live and to see that in others....hmmmmm.
I need to balance and mix with what I learned in the past couple years of my life and apply it here in a healthy balance. I don't want to offend others. I do want to respect my indianess and all and at times, it just leaves me with questions that I don't even feel like talking them through,.....cause obviously no one would really get me. Anyhooop, I'm sure I will get my way around. Give me patience God.

It's getting late and I guess I should go and get ready for rest and monday!! I love my work...That I am certain of!

sun

we had blues skies today, but i had to stay in n work inside the building.

where did u go? seems like its been a while..... .;'][;'/.m,./][p';.//.[poiuytrdghjioplmkknh80oplkuygtrexcfvgbhnjm23456yujbvcxcvio
';l''

action

seems like there's not a whole lota action going on around here. Need someone to stir up some things to do and what not. It can be very easy to fall into selfish living and that is what I am struggling at the moment.

monday

was nice to have another day of somewhat rest. Went to hunt with mom n dad but got nthing but a rabbit. The clouds seem to cover the blue sky today and I missed Toronto today. I dont like weathers like this. Makes me want to be else where, but i cant and I guess thats fine... by the way ...my dad actually killed a moose on Friday. It was quite exciting!!! It's a huge blessing.

im kinda hungry now and I wish i had a bowl of cereal but my parents have visitors and I cant be bothered to present myself in a decent manner. that kinda sounds funny.

I miss TO.

Fall

Season of Fall has finally really hit home. The trees are naked, clothing on the ground, but we wear our own. Guess it's time for something really new. I have new clothes, but I want more to life. I think I have to go on a journey now...to a place I've not discovered yet.

I learned this morning that when a moose is in heat...I dunno if you can say that or is it just for cats, but anyway....what he does is he looks for the female pee/urine...I guess he would smell it around the bushes and eats of it when he finds it. I was a bit disturbed by it, but I guess it's completely normal in the eyes of the Creator. Strange.... But I dont know what he does after he finds it though....I didnt get the chance to ask as I was too intringued by that fact. Anyway, mom and dad are gone to hunt but not totally going for it. Just casually hunting I guess, not fully geared is what I mean.
My dad killed a couple moose with his friend while we were in the CITY. :) So I had some this week. T'was good indeed. If I had a freezer in my car, I would send some to my white peeps, but I dont.

Praise the Lord it's not cold out there yet. We had sun this week!!! might be 17 outside...
O listen to this thing I learned again... My mom told me to get dad's check at the band office. for what? I wondered to myself... I found out that it's from hydro quebec who helps us pay electricity! how random is that??? We....well they, every house hold gets a check. If I had my own house I would get one too!! Sounds cool, but I do not plan on building my home yet, maybe not until I retire.
I wonder if I would want to live in the bushes or the city when I get old..... I think I would still love Starbucks and shopping for my grandchildren and go see a movie on Tuesday nights and travel in and out of the country. Hmm I need an airport nearby. That was easy. City it is!!

I gotta go back to work now!! :)

miniblog...undone

Here I am back in the north….protecting youths as Sarah Dalley would say. There’s a bit of a mist in the air here in Mistissini and looks gloomy out there. I almost feel gloomy, but not a lot, just about 7.9 percent. I am glad to be back home and back to work. However I do not have work to do at the moment, but replacing the secretary for the morning. It looks like it was a quiet week last week while I was away. Ptl.