last nite of holiday

well I should probably be sleepin now, but I will take the most of this..as this is my last free all to myself kinda time...alone in this dark room. Im on a double bed with duvet and down pillows and air conditioning is on... it's so nice. In the next 20 hours I will be back in the dorm with my peeps and the noise..it will be fun...but right now i am enjoying the stillness and quietness of it all. I can hear the birds now..kinda early isn't it? anyway...i think i will try to finish off my movie -bridge to terabithia or something like that...gnite!

headin home

I am goin to Montreal and I dont know if that is home anymore....I want to find out where do I go after school. I do not know what will be, but I just want a home. I want to go a place where I can rest and know I have found my home. I am not like a bird as Nelly would try to convince me sing along with her. where is my home papa?

ahhhh

what a feeling to be in a place where you are just waiting on Cathy to get her hair done. I am sooo glad to be here with her and I'm blessed to just hang out and I seriously don't mind waiting here as I go online and here and there online. The hairdresser is blow drying her hair now. It's looking nice and short. We get to hang out later on and see if I can get something at my favorite store. This place is quite nice and funky a bit. The workers are quite nice and very hospitable. The guy actually gave me the password to get online. How sweet is that? Maybe they have just gotten a new customer..who knows? Maybe if I live here, I'll come here for sure and be blessed by this sweet ummmm.......let me take of you. Yes!! here! I am all yours!! I think I can make a commercial right now.
Anyhoop, I am away from the conference for few hours and gain my posture I guess. I think I may walk like a ministry zombie or something. So I think it's sooo good that I am here and not worry about what to say when I prophecy on stage tonight. Let's just not go there for now.
I heard that think of such things verse is what papa thinks of me. So how lovely it is for me to be downtown because that is a refresher to my soul from time to time. I just had iced caramel macchiato as well before we got here. ahhh sweet memories...
I got more money yesterday from an ol friend from Montreal. My dad told me it was 35 degrees up north and that is crazy. It's more than the weather we have here. Anyway I must go and check more cool stuff online.

this journey

Everyday seems another day of new more interesting discoveries and just so much more to explore and understand and at times not at all have an understanding of what is goin on. I saw a tree being swept to the ground by the wind. How cool is that? Wind you feel, but can't really see its color but you only see it by the way things are blown...to the left to the left....oops that was from beonce. anyway wind is indeed powerful element. can i even say that? I dunno, but it sounds good. I watched Pride & Prejudice last night and it was quite complicated to watch especially for someone like who has no idea about english culture. I only know of community life and prestige is not a thing I know very well. My friends helped me out to understand it, so that was very helpful.
Yea my journey about being a daughter has been interesting..... my mom called me the other day to tell me that she cried n cried because of not knowing what is it like being a daughter....interesting... She had a dad for 8 years and her dad died. It was quite cool, but what was I to say? I was kinda speechless and maybe it was meant to be that way so I wouldnt say more to minister to her spirit...I think, but I could be wrong, but I prayed that God would finish up what he started in her...cool huh??

letting go

I got a larger picture of me today, understood myself of why I am the way I am. I realize why I am so passive and even in my not doing anything, I am still loved. I don't get it, but it's the truth. I judged my dad and so i reap what i sown..... but i have a new vision.. leading a new lifestyle i have bits n pieces i discovered, but now its like chosing to let go family n let god be god n me be me- a daughter. im a daughter.

so

the question was "you don't know how much you're loved, do you?" In my nothingnees & emptiness, there seems an unawareness of feeling loved. When all passion is gone and no interest in love... I wonder why am i on this road? how did i get here? Then in my own mess, I am loved. The wrong turns i made and addictions i have lead me to believe that i need to work my way back home to love. Paddle back and see if i can ride backwards on the same path...that's quite impossible. shall we head home?

hope prevails

there is hope even when all seems to fail. He is our hope.
I been kissed by the son.
these days of intimacy have started.
there is hope.