wellington

I cried at dinner time because we had beef wellington and I didn't eat it and so I grabbed this apple and it was tasteless and so I cried because I just want food. good food.

weird

So I got up this morning and gettin more and more hyper for some reason unknown...and then I go to church, my excitement went down. I felt like I could do something else and not engage in a service. I dont get it.... I wonder now should I always go to church on sunday? That's probably more a yes answer, but I felt so energized and it's not that I had lotsa sleep, but somethin good happened and I don't know what I done with it. where did it go? I don't know, but I must go look for it and see if it's foundable.

new word

I found out the other night what bullocks mean. It's kinda ewww to call out cow's testies. I think I will stick to 'shoot'. Anyway, almost every day I learn a new word and it is quite interesting to learn so much from people from other countries. I think i am loving it. My vocabulary is expanding and I feel as though I get smarter by the downloads I get on a daily basis. praise the lord!!

typical wednesday

it's the day you have your room clean spic n span. Everything's gotta be clean. I decided to go full out and washed my sheets and exfoliate my face and mask it. Do I ever look more beautiful!

AOoooooooUCH!

Believe it or not, this indian chick has waxed her eyebrows AND!!! upper lip. I have never waxed on my face but I am not a hundred percent sure, but I can't recall ever waxing my upper lip that's for sure. It does feel nice, but now my lips has gone spasm haywire....but this too shall pass as linda would say. Then since we were into waxing stuff, I thought it'd be nice to have hairless toes and so that cleared and now I have a wonderful beautiful 100 less hair on me. I really hope that my mustache won't grow and get prickly. I took a great risk in waxing my upper lip. I really hope they won't grow darker or prickly. It's a bit scary for me, but I will try to believe my personal beautician. I have beautiful eyebrow shape now. I really really like them. I don't think I ever had them so nicely done before. I love them!! praise the lord for friends with multiple talents and who are experts at making models, not really. that was just a random thought that just came in from the bread factory outside....

I like what I see in the mirror.

most random

You know when you feel like you can do so less in a day? Well that was the day today. I could have sworn that I did so much, but really I didn't do a whole lot as I imagined. It went by fast and wednesday are typically sweet days morning flies and then you have this whole afternoon off and you need to get the heck on out of the building. Not many wanted to get out, but I did because it is just the perfect time to breathe in something new. I had a 2 minute comtemplating mode to see if I should take a nap or head on out to do .... who knows what. I tried to convince Niki to join me and do something outside of these many walls around me, but I failed, but I did manage to get Linda & Paul to come along and shop/eat which is what i decided to do.

I wanted to buy a deodorant, but I couldn't find the one I used to apply on my armpits when I lived back in Montreal. See I found out that there is a difference in anti-perspirant and deodorant. What I need is deodorant because I am not a sweaty peepster, and I've been using this anti thing and I feel like I smell even more, not horribly, but I could tell that I am wearing antiperspirant thing. So anyway, I feel like it is pointless at this time to wear what I have and just go without, but Cathy would give me this eww look, but it's not like I stink you know?? Anyway I didn't find what I wanted let alone the store because the deodorant was from a store called 'Dans le jardin', it's french one from montreal. ANyway I didn't succeed in shopping, but Paul did buy 2 pairs of pants and it was good for him to have gone out with the girls and shop. He's very sweet and has many questions that I don't seem to get good smart answers. It's all good though.
All us sgls went to eat over at mandy's place for Karley's birthday. It was very sweet and nice to be in home and tv. We ate enchiladas and cake and went out to swing. I had to come home early so I could take the allergic pills because I must have swallowed some kind of sea food. Bummer. So I came home and got one of my girls to ask if there is any hermal remedies for such things and yes they do. Linda is or was a nurse (for babies though). I took some pills and dyed my hair, well Linda did and now I am lookin totally Indian...back to my roots. No more dead orange streaks. I was white on monday chav night, but noow Im Indianfully.

The Dream

so...I'm on a bunk bed on top and in the universe. It was almost like on tv with that Nasa...Onto my right I see the world quite big and I can see the blue and the green and it was transparent and moving like you shake water in a bottle. It was flowing in a gentle way. The world got bigger as it got closer and I knew the whole earth was God the father. He was it! I knew in my spirit we were having a conversation that goes something like this. My attitude was more or less like... 'is he for real? and oh yea prove yourself to me then', show me who you really are'. And he was like 'well what do you got? ask me what you got?' And almost like in a defensive way "well show me and tell me step by step how do clouds form or how do they made?" And all of a sudden I see this tiny round shape cloud and it's quite small as the world/God is still coming on slowly to me. As it approaches, I see the cloud get into the world like being swallowed and just disappeared... And for some reason I thought the cloud was my brother Josh...weird but anyhooop that was that.
In my dream I was still as silly as I tend to be at times and I thought when I got up, why on earth did I ask such a silly question? Why didn't ask something more mysterious as clouds can be pretty much explained by scientist and what not. It just shows how puny my mind is. Anyway that was the coolest dream ever I had in my life..it was really out there and just abnormal and sooo good. I don't quite get it and I was just really happy that it was a supernatural dream...except for the fact I asked a silly question. Don't think I got an answer...

yes

yesss th dream will be posted. I love my girls. i love my life. I love my dad. I love my mac. I love to drive. I like to blog and will continue to do so and I am going on outreach to Cali.

dream

I had a dream about God this morning...So cool, so unreal but real...I dont have time to write it now, but I will later on..I hada dream about God , I hada dream about God....thats a song.

friends

I thank my dad for blessing me great friends. I still have messy habits and still trying to adopt to well mannerism and all that jazz and yet to be totally loved and accepted is just such a wonderful feeling that all you want to do is be grateful of them special friends. I learn to appreciate to love them and it's not that I feel this need to please them, but I just appreciate the friendship and its great influences they have on me... It's interesting how you see such beauty in people and seriously, think of it...if it wasn't for Jesus, I would not have met the people that have greatly influenced me in such a great and healthy way. It's all because of my sweet Jesus that I am here where I am...so loved by the people he loved and love others and it just gets bigger and better the love is. The past couple days have been a bit tough and not a moment was there for me to get it together look. It was like they walked the same pace but not exactly but accepting the tiny steps I took and that was ok. If I didn't want to talk much, that was ok. Maybe not the healthiest way to cope but it was like...loved back to life in my own sadness of the loss of another fellow youth.... I love C&G and of course M&M.
Appreciate... how would that look like if we had no language? how would I communicate appreciation.... one of my ways is giving away gifts or money. It's such a joy to do so. In times of sadness, that would be my greatest weapon maybe? I dunno... but that sounds pretty cool...anyway my mind is a bit tired now. Good night papa!

His lovingkindness

I got up this morning with this verse in mind. The Lord's lovingkindnesses are new every morning. So I thanked him as I knew in my heart that his lovingkindnesses awaited for me and there was nothing I could do to change that promise. I feel like I was being carried today. I felt lighter and more happy but still feeling sad, but I knew something shifted and I know he loves me....

duno

what can i say or do i say? when i get another phone call of suicide???? i hate it! Another one.... hurts real bad and life goes on..... she was an ol ol friend..... just sucks! n it hurts... i hate it!!! what can be done now?.....